"I keep my mouth shut as often as I possibly can,
I keep my mouth open,
and I'm always prepared to be amazed.
And I'm never disappointed."
-Celeste Headlee in her TED Talk: "10 ways to have a better conversation"
I highly recommend this 11-minute video by an expert listener on listening. In this presentation, Celeste talks about what it really means to be a good listener, taking all that "repeat what you're hearing, make eye contact, sit up in your chair" stuff and throwing it out the window because, as she says, "There is no reason to learn how to show you're paying attention if you are, in fact, paying attention."
I work for the West Virginia Department of Environmental Protection. Where I work, there is plenty of work to be done, and the work is such that, if you do it well enough, you will be able to actually affect the kinds of change that you care very deeply about. While this type of work environment and opportunity for change fosters workhardedness in those of us who enjoy having plenty to do and improving the world, it does not necessarily foster great listening skills.
We DEP employees like to focus on facts--not only because they are awesome and totally true, but they are safe. We like programs like Microsoft Excel, we enjoy sports (laden with rules) and amateur painting classes (getting things just right). When it's conversation-with-a-person time, and when sports or facts might not be part of that conversation, we can balk. Moreover, when a conversation is going to seemingly take away from the important facts we're poring over, or the facts we're stuffing into a report, we would often just rather not have it.
But we can do better. We can rediscover the art of conversation at work--a conversation that refreshes your thinking, opens you up to ideas your own brain hadn't pondered, gets a coworker to laugh about something that had been stressing them out. A meaningful conversation results in better understanding a fellow person, which teaches you something you didn't know before, which can change your whole outlook, which in turn affects how you see the work you do.
The beauty of a conversation is you never know what's going to happen or where it's going to end up. Let's be brave, get into conversation, keep our eyes and ears open, and "be prepared to be amazed."
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
Reflection on "Communication Secrets of Great Leaders" (Forbes 2/4/12)
See the article here: 10 Communication Secrets of Great Leaders
This month we Emerging Leaders of DEP are focusing on Communication. In glancing at my Checkpoint 360, I see that I could use some improvement in this area. While my boss and I scored myself well in Communication, my direct reports gave me a less than favorable rating. Also, I can see from my Profile XT that my verbal skill is way out of whack with the level at which others are comfortable communicating. This leads me to believe that the lesson on Communication is very important to my development, and that I should focus my attention on communicating with those who I manage and would like very much to lead.
This article first affected me when it said this: “It is the ability to develop a keen external awareness that separates the truly great communicators from those who muddle through their interactions with others.” This “keen external awareness” is how the author describes communication, and this is interesting because we usually work from the assumption that communication is about making ourselves understood. A 3 year old is pretty effective at making themselves understood, even though they haven’t even fully developed the motor skills to talk clearly. What a 3 year old can’t do—and many adults can’t either—is to communicate in such a way that the person or people on the other end feel what you’re saying, and identify with it.
The next thing that hit me was #6: “Shut up and listen,” and likewise #8 “know what you’re talking about.” It’s embarrassing to say it, but when I was a kid, I was so excited to get my answer or opinion out there that my teacher had to tell me to actually sit on my hands. These days I’ve improved somewhat, and I can usually chill out while other people answer the questions, but it takes effort. Sometimes, I don’t even know what I’m talking about—I just want to be in the conversation.
Number 10 in this list of “communication secrets of great leaders” seemed to go above and beyond what we would normally consider a pretty darn good leader—in this one, the author said that whether you’re speaking to 10 people or 10,000 people, they should feel as if you were “speaking directly to each one of them as an individual.” This one seems pretty challenging, but we’ve all heard a speech that made us feel that way—that makes you feel like they’re speaking directly to you, like they can see what’s in your head. Sometimes a speech like that makes you want to cry, or to at least open your mind to whatever else that person has to say.
So I’m going to keep working on communication, because I want the folks who I lead to be the best versions of themselves they can be. I know I can help them get there, but in order to get there I need to be able to listen to them, understand where they’re coming from, and maybe even someday do that cool trick where every person in the room really hears what you’re saying because they know that you get them, and that you care.
This month we Emerging Leaders of DEP are focusing on Communication. In glancing at my Checkpoint 360, I see that I could use some improvement in this area. While my boss and I scored myself well in Communication, my direct reports gave me a less than favorable rating. Also, I can see from my Profile XT that my verbal skill is way out of whack with the level at which others are comfortable communicating. This leads me to believe that the lesson on Communication is very important to my development, and that I should focus my attention on communicating with those who I manage and would like very much to lead.
This article first affected me when it said this: “It is the ability to develop a keen external awareness that separates the truly great communicators from those who muddle through their interactions with others.” This “keen external awareness” is how the author describes communication, and this is interesting because we usually work from the assumption that communication is about making ourselves understood. A 3 year old is pretty effective at making themselves understood, even though they haven’t even fully developed the motor skills to talk clearly. What a 3 year old can’t do—and many adults can’t either—is to communicate in such a way that the person or people on the other end feel what you’re saying, and identify with it.
The next thing that hit me was #6: “Shut up and listen,” and likewise #8 “know what you’re talking about.” It’s embarrassing to say it, but when I was a kid, I was so excited to get my answer or opinion out there that my teacher had to tell me to actually sit on my hands. These days I’ve improved somewhat, and I can usually chill out while other people answer the questions, but it takes effort. Sometimes, I don’t even know what I’m talking about—I just want to be in the conversation.
Number 10 in this list of “communication secrets of great leaders” seemed to go above and beyond what we would normally consider a pretty darn good leader—in this one, the author said that whether you’re speaking to 10 people or 10,000 people, they should feel as if you were “speaking directly to each one of them as an individual.” This one seems pretty challenging, but we’ve all heard a speech that made us feel that way—that makes you feel like they’re speaking directly to you, like they can see what’s in your head. Sometimes a speech like that makes you want to cry, or to at least open your mind to whatever else that person has to say.
So I’m going to keep working on communication, because I want the folks who I lead to be the best versions of themselves they can be. I know I can help them get there, but in order to get there I need to be able to listen to them, understand where they’re coming from, and maybe even someday do that cool trick where every person in the room really hears what you’re saying because they know that you get them, and that you care.
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